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So, I was able to turn on the phone and had determined I would look at it when I was by myself to process my feelings. There are no calls from my partner to her and many many many times she tried to call him. Ok.

Then I started to read her text messages to him and it put me into a panic. Professing her love and how she knows he loves her too, yadda yadda.

Part of me thinks, do not read anymore of them, it creates so many emotions, anger, sadness... oh my word so much.

Please tell me your opinions... do I read them or just be glad the phone is out of commission and try to move forward.

One of her comments said she was going to come visit for his birthday (in two weeks). She lives in Canada and I was led to believe she couldn't come to the states because she had been deported many years ago. Again, he hasn't read any of them and did not respond.

I don't know if it is more beneficial for my healing to read them or not. Is it better for me to just throw the phone away and never look at it again.

It's amazing that something like this can have such a strangle hold on life.

Please give me your thoughts because, while curious, I just think it might hurt me more to read the texts.

Hello ! I’ve been following your other post. It’s entirely up to you how much you want to know. For me- finding the details helped me to stop wondering . It also helped me eventually see the reality of the situation, I could no longer bury the feeling and pretend like nothing ever happened. I would probably look through the phone. You might never know what’s really going on if you don’t. You re strong enough to get through it . But it’s up to you.

Do you have a close friend that can sit with you and go through it with you ? That might help!

He’s told her to never contact him again right?

Maybe it’s time for him to go to the court and get a restraining order.

Myself? I think it’s good you have the phone, you can monitor it until such time as you feel you don’t need to anymore.

My suggestion is that she be sent one message that says unequivocally you shall stop communicating with (your husband) or else I will go to the police department and file whatever complaint is relevant. Why hasn't her number been blocked with your cellular provider? Or at least blocked on the phone?

As to the question of how much should I know, for me I wanted as much information as possible because that would determine whether or not I would stay with my wife. In one of our MC sessions the MC said most couples get to a point where they know enough to move on and I said that doesn't work for me and she asked why and I said because I want to know whether or not this is a person I want to stay married to. If you don't know the person then how can you be in a relationship?

That resonated with our MC. But this is an individual decision. Some people are content to know that something happened and as far as he or she knows it has ended. For me I wanted as much information as possible but you will never know if you know everything because that information has to come from the person who was okay with cheating on you

And the general consensus is a WS will only confess as much as he / she thinks is necessary to placate the BS out of fear that if the WS confesses everything the BS will end the relationship