I am so lonely!

I’ve posted a few times in the past week or so , sorry if it’s too much. The point of this post is to say I feel so so lonely with carrying this burden of trauma / betrayal. I did start seeing a therapist weekly. My family doesn’t know .. they have had a lot of other things going on and I didn’t want to stress them out more / have them worry about me. As for friends.. I only told one , because I felt like one day when I first found out I was struggling to even exist so I needed someone to literally take care of me. She is a good friend but not someone I talk to every day. I have an online friend that I have told that I do talk to every day, they have been very very helpful. But other than that I feel like I am carrying this burden mostly alone. Why don’t I tell more friends / family ? Well , I’ve kind of always been a more private person about very personal things … I hate having people worrying about me or treating me differently if they know I am going through something (especially since I am a teacher and the school year just started , a lot of my friends work with me. I would hate to be asked how I’m doing or even brought to think about things at work- work is a distraction for me ). As for my family I would rather tell them after when it’s "dealt with" ie we break up or we go through a reconciliation. I can’t stand the thought of being judged by friends and family for perhaps telling them what happened, then Having them say "leave him!" (Because of course most people would tell you to do that before having been in that situation themselves. )And then being judged if I did decide to stay , etc.
anyways sorry for the rant , but if anyone on here feels the same way I would love to connect with someone here, that we can talk to about this stuff specifically and how we are getting through it. If you think that would be helpful to you please message me. I’m 35 but I don’t care how old you are. Women only for messages … Sorry men, I am currently repulsed at the thought of talking with men and it’s not your fault . But open to advice from all genders about how to just deal with the trauma and grief.

1 comment posted: Friday, August 28th, 2026

Now what ? Limbo / indecisiveness

Hello again , if you want to read my story it’s posted in the "just found out " section , but to summarize , it’s been about a week since I found evidence that my partner of 5 years paid an escort for oral sex. At first he denied it , but after a few days of space he came clean and told me everything. We are not legally married , but we live together. The first few days after I found out were unbearable. Now, I feel a bit of relief after having him come clean and express remorse / desire to do better / work on the relationship. However, I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do next. He agreed to couples therapy. Our relationship was pretty wonderful at some point in the past. I really do love him and feel a deep connection to him, close as family. I just don’t know if I can get over the disrespect. Or rather, I feel like I can forgive him. But I’m not sure if I want to take the risk of ever feeling like that again. So how do I decide if it’s worth it?
What are the rules and boundaries in the meantime ? We are sharing the same bed (it’s a big bed , we’re not touching ). How long to give myself to make a decision ? Because currently I am flip flopping. I need to be able to decide "yes I will try to reconcile and give it a chance " or " no it’s not worth recovering " , but right now I am just not at that point. So what do I do in the meantime? How do I discover and listen to my own voice and feelings ? What kind of boundaries should I put up while I am trying to figure it out ? (Obviously not being intimate is one I am sticking to for the indefinite future). Currently just trying to take care of myself and eat and sleep and keep busy. But I don’t want to be in limbo forevermore .

8 comments posted: Monday, August 24th, 2026

D day + 5(?) new member : (

Hello all I am new here . I guess I just need to vent a little. I have been with my partner for 5 years. We live together. I would say our emotional connection has always been very very strong. We are not legally married and a lot of people see that as a reason for it being easier to leave , but , I am just so stuck in a cycle of feeling like I can’t do this anymore but at the same time wanting to reconcile our relationship. The transgressions were very very bad though. Let me start from the beginning .
There was cheating in the past but like more than 2 years ago. Giving a girl a ride and kissing her. I found out immediately . Anyone else have that super intuition that you just know right away? Anyway , I cried and was depressed and went through the whole trauma and I feel like I kind of just went through it myself . It was "brushed under the rug" his response was more like I’m sorry, it happened . But let’s move on toward the future etc… clearly that doesn’t really work. I became desensitized to it but I also became somewhat desensitized to our relationship. Things got really good when his daughter was staying with us , we felt like a real family. She moved to another state with the mom about a year ago. Since then , I would say it’s been BAD but I have felt more and more distance. On my end . I usually don’t want to have sex with him etc. I don’t find myself initiating saying I love him. It’s like I still love him just as much as before but I have a hard time feeling safe/ secure in the relationship because no real "work" was put in to fixing it .
Fast forward to now. Friday night he comes to bed after I am asleep and I feel it is so late . I said what time is it he said like 3 , he was just watching YouTube videos etc. remember that intuition I mentioned above ? I just knew. Anyway after days of arguing about me knowing he was out with a woman (he denied it and said he was with his friend from work but somehow could not show me said messages with the friend) , I finally went through his phone. With his permission , so very dumb about clearing evidence clearly. Because what I found is way worse than I imagined . First, I found evidence of an online emotional affair that’s been going on for months. The woman lives in another country , whatever. Obviously does not feel good but , honestly , I was recently talking to a guy online for a few months too. It was My first bout of infidelity and I think I only felt ok to do it just based on him having done what he wanted before . Anyways that ended and I really
Felt like refocusing on our relationship . I know deep down we really love each other there was a reason we have spent 5 years together. Then I discover this , I cry we cry whatever … but it gets worse. I still feel uneasy about the going out late at night, knowing this woman isnt the one who’s living in another country it must be another woman too. My partner is a Spanish speaker , something told me to check Google Translate history (pro tip for bilingual people looking for answers). I found that he had been using an ESCORT site and was asking a prostitute to have a "car date " with a blowjob etc . If there could have been any doubt that he went through with it , the last message in the translator said "baby , did you take the condom out of the car ?"
I feel so disgusted . And sad , as it’s been 5 days i am just starting to eat and sleep again and not crying as much. Half of me feels that this is unforgivable and I can’t move on because I believe that I deserve someone to respect me. And my health . The other half of me thinks about reconciling because I very much still love him and have considered him my family. The issue with that is he is "sorry " and hates that I feel so bad and "wants to do better "
Etc , but somehow , he still didn’t do it ! He would never do that to me . The denial drives me insane . The cheating sucks but the lack of honesty after finding out about it is what makes me feel
Like there can’t be any hope. Anyways , sorry for the long post. This is definitely very traumatic for me . And while I recognize I have been deeply disrespected, part of me wants to try and work it out. But I can’t, if he doesn’t be forthcoming and put in the work.

15 comments posted: Friday, August 21st, 2026