Sorry for another post, having the phone in hand is kind of overwhelming and I need help

So, I was able to turn on the phone and had determined I would look at it when I was by myself to process my feelings. There are no calls from my partner to her and many many many times she tried to call him. Ok.

Then I started to read her text messages to him and it put me into a panic. Professing her love and how she knows he loves her too, yadda yadda.

Part of me thinks, do not read anymore of them, it creates so many emotions, anger, sadness... oh my word so much.

Please tell me your opinions... do I read them or just be glad the phone is out of commission and try to move forward.

One of her comments said she was going to come visit for his birthday (in two weeks). She lives in Canada and I was led to believe she couldn't come to the states because she had been deported many years ago. Again, he hasn't read any of them and did not respond.

I don't know if it is more beneficial for my healing to read them or not. Is it better for me to just throw the phone away and never look at it again.

It's amazing that something like this can have such a strangle hold on life.

Please give me your thoughts because, while curious, I just think it might hurt me more to read the texts.

0 comment posted: Tuesday, October 13th, 2026

I have the burner phone in hand! A small step but at least a step forward!

Thanks so much everyone for all of your comments this past week. I really took them in and pondered a lot.

I did decide and told him last night that I wanted the burner phone from the garage. We just went and picked it up and it is dead, just as he said it would be.

I now have it with me and I will look at it when I have some private time to myself. He has told me "I haven't called, texted, etc., I have no idea what she has done". I guess we will see.

I don't care what she says or did, I only care about what he does.

Could he buy another phone, yes, absolutely, and I wouldn't know. I guess I will have to face that as time progresses.

For today though I feel proud that at least I stood up for myself and told him what I wanted and needed. It was a small step but at least a step forward for my own self-esteem and strength

Thank you all for all of your support

0 comment posted: Tuesday, October 13th, 2026

20 years together, 3 burner phones, emotional affair, mental breakdown... yet I still want it to work

This is very hard to write but I am thankful to have come across this group. I read some of the other stories and it almost felt as if I was talking about myself, I pray for some strength from realizing I am not alone.

I have been with my partner for 20 years, overall a very good relationship and we have been through everything imaginable together. He has always been my best friend.

At the end of May I discovered he was having an emotional affair with a woman living in Canada, we are in the US. It was his girlfriend from 45 years ago and it threw my entire world into turmoil.

Once discovered there were over 200+ hours of phone calls, 72 pages of texts... an average of 3 hours per day.

To say I was crushed was an understatement. I blocked access on our phone account only to have them begin communicating through messenger, eventually 1, 2, 3 burner phones.

I had a mental breakdown in July because I felt my entire foundation of my life had dropped out from under me. Many health issues, quit my job, ran away to a hotel for a while.

Each time discovered though he would promise it was over, only to have me discover another phone.

I wanted to be strong and say leave... I actually did make him move out twice, but each time I allowed and wanted him to come home.

I'm back working again and trying to focus on getting myself stronger. At this point I do know there is still a burner phone in our garage, which I have no access to. It taunts me constantly.

He has told me I can look any time I want, yet there is part of me that just doesn't want to know anymore. I just want my life back.

He has always been a man of integrity, ethics and protection of our lives.... I am now so afraid of what has happened and I truly wonder if I will ever be 'normal' again.

I still want our relationship to work, I still love him and want to believe him so badly. His actions show he is trying and does love me but the lies and that phone in the garage still haunt me all the time.

I feel broken hearted to read others posts and realize the devastation each of us is feeling... it truly debilitates everything in life and it is so hard to get ourselves back.

I'm just happy to find others that can truly understand and that we can offer support for one another

15 comments posted: Saturday, October 10th, 2026