SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This was the weekend in 2008 when my world blew to pieces.

We had just settled my mom into assisted living after her first hip fracture, and had to sell the house we'd shared with her for years. We were getting ready to move into what was to be our forever home after a hectic move and some very expensive renovations.

His in-town squeeze decided he didn't deserve a house, so she started turning the screws on him and beans got spilled. A lot of beans. Twenty years worth of lies and deception out of our 22 together.

I spent that summer in complete shock, barely functional, trying to navigate this horrible new reality after recovering from the STD he gave me from barebacking his gf.

Had to move into that house that they had smudged together with sweetgrass and tobacco while I was out of town. Every inch of the place was tainted. Devastation doesn't even begin to cover it.

I found this place and it saved me. Made some new friends and many nights were spent drinking wine and venting, screaming and crying and just getting through the day. This was back when every Friday there was a bar thread, there was table dancing and all sorts of wild shenanigans...

I kept working, but just barely.

Five years later I found my dream heritage rental, and this year I'm celebrating 12 years here. Quite possibly the longest I've lived anywhere. It was a godsend because it had zero memories of my old life. I blossomed into retirement and went back to university for an MA, which put me into some very interesting and lucrative contract jobs. I got offered a job as admin in my department, so I went for it!

Today I went for a long bike ride to some of my favourite viewpoints. Came home and set up my lounger in my favourite 3:00 pm sunspot. Poured a nice Bombay Sapphire gin and tonic. I'm in my 70s now and still working a couple more years to rebuild my nest egg while banking my pensions. I answer to no-one but myself in my personal life, and if the universe grants me one more house in my life, I'll be OK with that. Otherwise I'm fine moving into senior housing if my landlords decide to sell and my sweet rent control goes away.

Life

Is

Good

For anyone just starting out, I know it can look pretty grim, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be a train.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 3:27 AM, Monday, June 16th]

Thank you so much for this, FaithFool! I had been reading posts on SI for 2 years before I joined so I well remember the last stages of your horror stories. IT is so great that you have found your late-life niche. I can only say to others to follow your lead! I should take my own advice....

For anyone just starting out, I know it can look pretty grim, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be a train. smooch

I have always appreciated these update posts. I remember my first days on SI very well. Even though my head was spinning, I would often pop in the 'New Beginnings' forum just to see that folks made it to their next chapters.

I took the stance that even thought it was so dark then, I knew my best days were to come in my heart of hearts. I knew that was just one chapter in my book and there was lots to go.

It makes me sad when I see posts where the folks are in that place where they feel it is too late. Some think it is too late to find their happiness, some feel it is too late for a career (or new career) or too late to get that degree. It is not folks. Like FaithFool. I also had gone back to school. I was going through my D, working FT, taken care of the house, 2 children in elementary/middle school and I embarked on a FT, accelerated degree program for my bachelors.

I walked into class SURE I was going to be the oldest! My class had a lot of folks my age as well as older. My one classmate was in his seventies.

While we had no choice on that dark chapter in our books; the rest of those chapters we do have choices.

This was back when every Friday there was a bar thread, there was table dancing and all sorts of wild shenanigans... laugh

That feels like a lifetime ago!!!

Love this update. Amazing what happens when we put our own peace and needs first.

Congratulations on achieving the life you want :-)

Way to go EvenKeel! I got my MA at 65 and made a couple of younger friends I still hang out with. Was very fortunate to get TA funding and those sweet contracts and work with some very smart sparky people. A huge piece of my healing right there.

..Hey FF.. sounds like you've made a wonderful recovery from that shit show called infidelity. Congratulations on your MA as well.
It put you in contact with a whole new group of people. Just what the doctor would recommend.

Be safe and stay healthy...and use those hand railings. That's what they're there for!!

smy

use those hand railings

Hah, always! And no skateboarding either.

I love this post and so happy you are thriving. The best years of my life started after I left xWS and it continues to this day!

It’s never too late to leave. To be stuck or stagnant in that hell. There is a whole lot of life worth living without the toxic anchor that is WS.

Thanks CBS! Glad to hear your divorce is done. Onward!

Thank you, FaithFool, this is an uplifting post, filled with life lessons I have been struggling to learn, but am encouraged to continue to attempt to learn.

Our children are growing up, DS18 just graduated high school and his sister will next year followed by DS13, four years later and DS10 3 years after that. It's an entirely new journey parenting a young adult.

DD was in 2009 for us, only 4 years into our marriage. I have successfully detached, and no longer wonder about his journey at all. We are still technically married, living in the same home but different bedrooms. We sometimes interact, and it's cordial. I still smile when he walks by and remember the love we once shared. Our kids seem to be centered and in many ways, thriving.

I know when he offers to take the kids somewhere (like one of their many practices or games), he may cancel last minute to go to his friend's home for several days/weeks. He won't have contact with the kids or I during this time or respond to texts or phone calls. and it does not matter. I GET to be with our kids during all of life's beautiful moments.

I accept all of the love and joy life brings and am glad to be on this journey on my own. When DS10 graduates high school, I will formally file divorce proceedings and an exciting new chapter will begin. I am confident this is the path for me.

I am appreciative of each of you for sharing your stories. They help more than anyone could know!

I can't wait to share a story like FaithFool's in the year 2033 :-)