Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 7:23 PM on Sunday, February 8th, 2026
I’m going to look at this as an addiction. When I think about someone is talented as the singer at James Taylor, I’m so puzzled at someone with that much intellect falling back into an addiction. He was off drugs for 20 years and then went back on them. He eventually cleaned up again and has gone on with his life. On the other hand, Philip Seymour Hoffman went back and it killed him. I will bet neither one of those men would be able to tell you what drove them to do something so stupid. I look at what your husband has done is just as stupid. There’s something missing in him, not in you, not in your marriage. Whatever it is, he needs to fix it. In the meantime, you can look at nesting I think that’s the name of it. It’s where you have an efficiency apartment and you at home one week, off one week, home one week. The weeks that you are home he’s in the nest. That way, the children never leave and they have access to their parents for seven days at the time which is really nice for them.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
chica1 (original poster member #52126) posted at 2:08 AM on Monday, February 9th, 2026
Thank you, unfortunately the nesting situation won’t work as WS works nights, so I can’t give him a whole week, at this point we are keeping distances whether upstairs or downstairs. Don’t see each other much, he sleeps all day when kids are at school, afternoons I do dinner and homework with them and then we split up kids to take them to their extracurricular activities, lastly he’s off in the evening for the whole night shift till early morning. I’ve made it clear I do not wish to discuss us/ our marriage. So we only text about kids. This distance is helping me continue to process, and also showing me how he just has zero effort. If I were the WS I’d think I’d still try to even if asked not to. He chased his AP in their EA for months, calling her for hours and texting her any chance he got for months! And I’m getting silence from him.
SAHM
Married 15 years
2 kids under 13 years old
DDay #1 2016 one night stand w/coworker
DDay #2 01/2026 EA "4 months" w/coworker
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:28 AM on Monday, February 9th, 2026
He chased his AP in their EA for months, calling her for hours and texting her any chance he got for months! And I’m getting silence from him.
This right here tells you EVERYTHING about him, his priorities and his needs.
I’m sorry for you — he is showing you exactly who he is.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
