SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

D day officially was last week and hes admitted emotional affair with sexting but definitely nothing more. Pictures have been sent and messaging daily. He says its only been a month, I think more. Im never going to know.

He has lied and gaslighted me for weeks and I've been right all along.

Im angry and totally heartbroken 💔 😥 I just knew

I dont think I will ever be able to repair this especially my trust

But I love him so much. Now I know why hes been moody and awful...guilt

So im trying to heal myself... and reading all the pinned posts and helpful topics on here.

I do not know where we go from here. He dosent want to lose me, but he wasnt sorry when he was doing it and lying. I dont want to lose him, I thought he was my soulmate. But hes now cut a huge bond 😥😥

Hes told her I know and deleted and blocked her on everything. The problem is shes a work colleague. I want him to find a new job if I will ever begin to feel better. Its also affected his mutual friends with her at work. I think some of them knew anyway. Its all a mess .

Im so 💔💔💔

[This message edited by Bluefairy at 7:56 PM, Saturday, August 23rd]

Hi, Bluefairy, welcome to SI. So sorry you had to find us.

Dealing with betrayal is probably one of the hardest things you will ever go through. The man you trusted has broken your trust in the most despicable way. Please find a good trauma therapist for yourself to help you process this nightmare.

Understand cheaters lie, 99.999% of them. They minimize their actions, gaslight, blame others, it's so predictable.

My husband had an affair with a work colleague who lived and worked on the opposite coast. He would have to visit her site several times a year. There was no way in hell I would ever accept him coming in contact with her, even through company business. He dropped her like a hot potato and immediately started looking for another job. He understood I wasn't going to tolerate one more minute of disrespect as far as the other woman was concerned. It took him several months, he found another job, actually a better job.

If your husband and his affair partner work together, I'd question if it was just emotional. Too many of us here, including myself, were told they just kissed, blah, blah, blah only to find out later that it was much much more. Ask him if he's willing to take a polygraph test.

If he truly wants to save your marriage, he will do everything necessary to help you heal, finding a new job, being honest, accountable for his time, access to his phone, emails, social media, etc. Sometimes cheaters take their affair underground, just be vigilant.

He can never have ANY contact with her again. Ever. No compromising. It sounds harsh, it is, he made his bed, he has to face the consequences.

BTW, is the affair partner married?

In the meantime, take care of yourself, eat, stay hydrated, and meet with your doctor if you are having coping/sleeping. Many of us here have taken medications temporarily to help us through those rough few months.

Thank you annb

Yes she is married but separated as far as i know.

I am really worried theres much more to it i really am :'( no matter how much he tries to reassure

The amount of lies hes told 😭😓

Sorry you’re going through this. I’m in a similar position he had told me it was just a kiss at Easter totally back tracked said it was because I was accusing him and annoying him. Come mid May he confessed to kissing her and meeting a couple times I believed that. Then came anonymous letter in the post saying they were having an affair. I just couldn’t let it go I went through his work phone to see a deleted email mentioning Snapchat. So burst into the bathroom to look at the phone to find he was in the process of downloading it but he literally deleted everything before I could get a look. Long story short they had been having sex full blown affair. Was going on from mid January to mid June. Promised to change jobs but he hasn’t. Recently found out he’s still been in contact. He’s done nothing but lie to me after I told him I wanted to reconciliation. I’m I’ve been devastated for myself and our children but I’m starting to see him as a loser.
I’ve had done great advice of everyone here. Just wanted to give you a hug

He says its only been a month, I think more.

You've been uneasy about his behavior for at least five months so you already know he's lying. What though is he doing beyond confessing and making excuses? Has he taken any initiative to do any of the most elementary reading about infidelity -- Not Just Friends or How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair or look into counseling for himself and try to become a trustworthy partner?

You definitely need to work through your feelings and reactions. Consider some individual counseling yourself. Loving him is not enough, you want better and you have to be assertive in getting it. You may also start the 180 to help you gain some clarity about whether he can do what needs to be done.